Crazy Kalra

All these quotations are original constructions and destructions of my friend ,philosopher and guide Abhishek Kalra .He did his MBA and was selling Insurance  and as a consequence was actively considering suicide in those days. And you know I had all copy rights to publish it anywhere in case he commited suicide.Then he got married .So the copyrights are all mine .

I am not bothering to edit anything here . What may seem to me a typing error maybe a genuine piece of wit .He said he was inspired by Oscar Wilde and his paradoxes . I think he was ,in those days, two steps ahead of Wilde .Have a look at his

Crazy Quotations

I was a man of few words, until I learnt them.

I love only two kinds of women ones who wear spectacles and others who don’t.

In life there are no shortcuts, but then again life is all about finding shortcuts.


The hallmark of a modern man is that he trades greater shit for lesser shit.

I am most kind hearted I forgive myself all my mistakes.

I am a libertarian I give myself full liberty to feel right, even when I am wrong.

I turned God-loving the day I discovered Pascal’s Wager.

Your life is a parody, your passions are proxy, you are not yourself, you are some body else.

Then god said let there be light and there was light but am still wondering if there was anything worth looking at.

Old age and Sales catch up with you sooner than later. Old age and Sales catch up with you no matter what.

I am a Marxist, I love Groucho Marx

When Bono sang with or without you I think he was talking about the society.

I am a dreamer, dreams come without the 12.24 per cent service tax and you can have them on a dry day too.

A love story is not worth its salt if does not end in Murder, insanity or suicide.

There are only two kinds of men, the ones who “Get Laid” and the others who “Get Late”.

I am so wise at times I can even understand what I am saying.

Women have a god like status in my life, I learnt very early in life that it is “Man proposes and Woman disposes”.

When I heard of Re-insurance I thought it was insurance against the risk of having to sell insurance.

I am very athletic, you will always find me jumping to conclusions and running away from difficulties.

I am most consistent; I seldom mean what I say.

I was regularly irregular before becoming irregularly irregular.

The only thing worse than being sincere, is looking sincere.

I hate the unpredictability of our times, nowadays one can’t even be sure of getting robbed in a bank.

I am most generous, when the going gets tough; I let the tough get going.

Democracy is some for all, communism is none for all and dictatorship is none for all and all for one.

I got to know very early in life unfortunately through experience that when you are lost, you are actually lost.

It takes a man of wealth and taste to appreciate the beauty of sorrow and suffering.

Women are always sure of what they are saying except when they mean it.

I am always sober except when I am not drunk.

Men are always sure of what they are doing except when they understand it.

Men are never so, cruel except when they mean well to others.

All romantics are idealists, a cynic is an idealist gone wrong, and therefore all cynics are romantics.

I get mortally scared whenever I feel I am beginning to understand myself, thankfully it is always a phase which passes quickly.

Women take to matrimony like a fish takes to water.

A man may not be rich enough to pay his credit card bills but he must always be rich enough to buy his death.

I thought life was beautiful, till I discovered the word pathetic.

Men take to matrimony like a coloured man takes to thai cuisine.

I use to take things seriously but then I discovered their importance.

The memory of a woman would never let a man contradict himself.

I was so taken aback by the event of my birth that initially it left me totally dumbfounded for almost a year.

I came, I saw and I ignored

 I came, I saw and I ignored…

 I could, I did not and I cribbed…

 I came, I wandered and I went…

 I wished, I wished and I wished even more…

I should, I would not and I don’t mind…

I heard, I saw and I enjoyed…

I listened, I observed and I cried…

 I lived, I loved and I lied…

 I thought, I could not and I died…

 I was, I am and I will be…

The best mistress one can boast of is convenience.

I lost my marbles so long ago that now I don’t even remember when I lost them.

To be certain in life looks so calculating.

I became a mortal the day I was born.

To fall in love with your best friend’s wife is lazy and to fall in love with his sister unimaginative.

The news channels have created maximum unemployment by putting the workers of rumour mills out of business.

Work till you job hop, shop till you drop, write a blog, listen to some pop, same does the entire crop.

For some, pole in the hole is the sole goal

I don’t want to be idle, I want to be careless instead.

The hallmark of a learned man is that he reads himself correctly but is helpless about the way he is.

Of all the things I like most dislike tops the list.

I am a faceless man walking on a nameless road living a hopeless life in a soulless world.

We are an Iron pumping, Air kissing, Bed hopping, Back biting, Bungee jumping, Soap watching, Mobile wielding, Net surfing and Job switching generation

What drives me impatient is the patience of the patient.

The toughest temptation to resist is that of making a generalization.

There is no limit to the patience of the patient and the impatience of the impatient.

The biggest tragedy that can be is a world without scandals where men love their own wives.

Procreation would be an impossibility if women were to love men for their virtues.

There would have been no humanity had women loved men for their virtues.

To sell or not to sell, that is the negotiation.

To work or not to work, that is the vocation.

I am the best, let others know the rest.

Live life your own size.

If you can’t win them over, let them go

I always do my best and then let others do the rest.

If you can fill the unforgiving minute with 60 seconds worth of genuine fun, yours is not the sun and the ball of fire that it is.

Love may or may not be blind but lust sure is not.

The only thing worse than a nagging wife is a curious child.

In god we trust and in hopelessness we die.

Love is a shot through the heart and marriage is a shot in the foot.

Don’t get into the habit of trusting yourself, it can become an addiction.

I have never had any problems with my vision; it has always been six by six in hindsight.

One’s relations are good conductors of electricity; they keep on getting shocked all the time.

Coercion is the best form of persuasion.

The pain of exclusivity is so great that I never became outstanding.

Whatever you do just make sure that whenever you bathe you don’t get wet.

When the sun is shining don’t question which direction it has risen from.

Evolution is a virtue born out of a necessity.

Looks don’t matter except when you are innocent and look guilty inside a courtroom.

What is sleep but one short death and death but, one long sleep?

Rest is the best.

                                                                            Abhishek Kalra